Friday, 13 May 2011

Government Piss Up Still on.

Following lengthy consultation with absolutely nobody the government has decided today that it will be keeping its massive horde of posh booze stowed underneath the foreign office. The "government wine cellar" as it is known is worth an estimated £1 million and contains bottles and bottles of posh grog from limited edition Dom Perignon to stupidly expense whisky aged in the stomachs of kittens, or some such bollocks.  Now in a "time of austerity" you would imagine having fine wines for MP's and dignitaries would be low on the list of priorities of any government. Well not according to prize toss bag Henry Bellingham MP, Junior foreign office minister, who spent most of this afternoon telling the media that her majesty likes the best kind of pop when she visits and nothing but oak aged Plymouth Gin made by Devonshire maidens in the late 19th century will do.  I am sure the MP's are rubbing their greedy little paws together at the thought of woolfing down the vino at their next vol-au-ven lash up, I can almost see Eric Pickles salivating.

You see the thing about wine and spirits is this, good fine wines are appreciated by experts but the vast majority won't know the difference between a Chateau Lafite 1999 or a Lidls South African red, their taste buds scrambled by years of abuse eating Burger King and drinking Diet Iron Brew. I bet you a thousand quid if I were to serve Tesco's value Hock at a meeting of 1922 committee they would praise the choice of wine and break into some Etonian school song about what a chipper fellow I was.

Back in the real world Conservative Wandsworth Council have decided to charge local kids £2.50 for the use of local play parks demonstrating that they are meanest minded group of arseholes ever to draw breath. In modern Britain the rich and powerful play with fine wines and good food while poor children can't even use the bloody swings.

To finish my favourite Fry and Laurie sketch

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