Monday, 9 May 2011

Last nights TV with the Village Idiot - Atlantis.

I'm a sucker for a good explosion epic and have in the past been glued to BBC documentaries on the subject of things blowing up including Hiroshima, Krakatoa and Pompei all of which the BBC presented in an informative manner.  Now you would imagine this would continue you after all the BBC does swallow a great load of my cash every year on the promise they are going to entertain and educate me.

Enter last nights BBC1 pile of shite, Atlantis.  Billed as a factual representation of the fall of Atlantis (come on BBC conjecture at best!!) it actually was dramatisation of the fall of the Minoan civilisation which some and I mean some people inspired Plato's Atlantis stories.  

To be honest the whole thing was poorly thrown together and crammed with odd bits of reject material from the Doctor Who episode the Fires of Pompei, and what appeared like occasional graphics from early 90's hack fest computer game Golden Axe 2.  For no explicable reason whatsoever the directors of said putrid pile decided to focus 20 minutes at least (well it seemed that long) on some bloke jumping over a bull in a pair of soiled pants, slowed down in a manner to look like the Matrix.  I was half expecting Neo to pop out from behind a pillar and Kung Fu the bull to death.  Irritatingly the whole thing was saturated in a commentary by Tom Conti which perpetually reminded me off his drunk Father role from the episode of friends were Ross says Rachel at the altar or something  (not that I have ever watched friends you understand....honestly).  The rest of the action seemed to be  a blur of cockney gibberish all serving as a vehicle for the big blast bit were the Volcano does its thang and trashes to Minoans for good in a firey furnace.  The end tidal wave sequence looked so hammy it could have been served with a mustard honey glaze, the nearby islands swallowed in a wave seemingly borrowed from a Godzilla movie accompanied by people in togas screaming.

While we are on the subject of BBC rubbish programmes I must, and I mean must comment on Saturday nights latest crap fest from Endemol, the makers of Big Brother - Don't Scare the Hare.  Apparently the concept of Don't scare the hare has been doing the rounds online for some time and that it was hoped that its bizarre imagery and ludicrous rules would eventually become cult viewing, perhaps there is even an element of in jokery going on among media types.  Sadly it is just shit, in fact I would go as far as saying it is the most diabolical load of tosh ever to grace my TV screen and please remember I watched El Dorado . Presented by that bald bloke of the gadget show and a giant robotic hare (also with commentary from Penzance resident Sue Perkins, Sue I love you why have you done this!), this is a TV crime beyond all comparison and should never, ever have been commissioned.  Apparently if you scare the hare you loose your carrots, honestly what the hell does that mean!  

BBC you lazy planks give me my license fee back !

To finish a section from Don't scare the hare - beware this is likely to confuse and bewilder.


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