Sunday, 22 May 2011

Work of Genius

Looking at our private Google search terms would be revealing to say the least.  Mine for example would be a strange mix of politics, humour and PVC fetish websites (I jest of course before my enemies chalk up another thing they can nail me for), all thrown in with egotistical searches about my past "achievements". My wife's searches would be entirely dominated with pictures of amorphous girly Japanese boy band "Arashi" who are literally the least talented tuneless feckers ever to take breath and strangely have some universal "Ant and Decesque" appeal in the land of the rising sun.  (I know that this is an aside but, hell fire these people dominate my life, music in the kitchen. laptops with videos of their every move, screen savers, CDs, T-shirts  aghhh!!).

Revealing indeed then is a twitter account set up by a chap called Norman T.  Norman, cleverly or perhaps cruelly has told his 81 year old father that twitter is in fact Google search, every time his dad seeks information he is broadcasting to the twitterverse.  Over the last few months Norman's old pa has searched for the following.

angry all the time
Harry Truman liar
how many types of omlettes are there?
type of cloud long and gray?
what does e mail cost
cold toes
how do you pronounce juan
what is soy milk?

And many more ...If you like glimpsing into the mind of the elderly (and possibly insane) and you are on twitter I recommend following @oldmansearch.

In more mad old git news Harold Camping's prediction of the rapture unsurprisingly failed to materialise the trump of god was not heard, Evangelicals did not float and the 7 month tribulation is, as it stands not happening. Of course we can all expect more end of the world lunacy on the 21st of December 2012 when the Mayan calender ends and the focus will switch to those of a new age persuasion.

I am actually thinking of starting my own religion, perhaps we could have one of these kind of events once a month.

Bye for now !

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Ken Clarke to downgrade some killings to "mild murders"

Cigar Smoking Jazz fan and UK Justice secretary Ken Clarke has today announced that he intends to re-classify some murders as "mild murders".   Ken, who I used to like, states on a interview on this mornings SKY news "murdering involving the smushing of someone's  fizzog is by its by its very nature more serious than a drive by shoot out in south London or a mafia killing involving a stiletto knife shoved into the brain from the base of the neck".  "How can the we even treat these murders as the same thing?" he added while huffing and going all big faced and bloated.  Evil Tory MP Nadine Dorris added to the debate in her usual pathetic style"If murder victims learnt to just say no they would be allot less killings" said the wizened cow while playing with a set of Rosary beads.

Meanwhile murder campaigners have reacted to Ken's statements with incandescent rage , "just wait till I get hold of the fucker I will show him a mild murder" said Betty Outrage aged 55 from whatever the latest trendy suburb in London is called.  "if Ken had been murdered he would now exactly it feels" she added.

That's enough I think....

To finish a blank empty as my soul.

Monday, 16 May 2011

Christian Love in Action.

I respect Stephen Hawking I really do.  His books are interesting, and throughout his works the complex ideas of modern physics are explained to the ordinary bloke in a readable manner (well at least most of the time).  However, he is a deeply flawed individual who is sometimes wildly wrong, deeply unpleasant and arrogant about his obvious abilities.  Stephen has hit the headlines today, worldwide, with an interview with the Guardian where he claims that "Heaven is fairytale made up by people that are afraid of death" , a pretty standard Atheist statement to be honest - but the American religious Right have gone batshit crazy (including Sarah Palin) accusing him of some kind of satanic plot.  One of the best places to see the ignorant at work is of course twitter, all of the tweets below are genuine and I have kept the user names  deliberately in place to ensure the those guilty of this kind of vile crap cannot hide.  I am sure that the founder of the religion that many of these people profess, (who said "If someone slaps you on the right cheek, offer the other cheek also.") would be utterly ashamed of these so called Christians. I leave you with their comments.

"@AliColeLive: Stephen Hawking's crippled backside can go to HELL!! I mean that with every atom of my Jesus loving body”

"@SammiSkene :Stephen Hawking is a fucking dumbass idiot."

"@awaterboarding for you Is this guy a liberal? Seriously, who would say something so stupid?=>Physicist Stephen Hawking Says There Is No Heaven !"

"@opieradio Stephen Hawking's is a prick for calling heaven a "fairy story" you need church. i don't care about your Notable Awards your still stupid"

"@jamesa18 Stephen Hawking only hates God because god fucked up his body"

"@EmpressRae So err, i'm reading these stephen hawking tweets and.. err and he calls heaven a fairy tale. Err, someone push him off his chair.."

"@LeezyFBaybee Stephen Hawking Man He Is Pretty Fucked Up Huh!?"

"@Sir_Dowling R.I.P. Stephen Hawking"

"@tamemaniac F**k Stephen Hawking,bitch ass dick sucker!!!"

"@natehartley Stephen Hawking is quoted as saying, "Heaven is a fairy tale." In response God said, Hence why I put him in a wheelchair."

Friday, 13 May 2011

Government Piss Up Still on.

Following lengthy consultation with absolutely nobody the government has decided today that it will be keeping its massive horde of posh booze stowed underneath the foreign office. The "government wine cellar" as it is known is worth an estimated £1 million and contains bottles and bottles of posh grog from limited edition Dom Perignon to stupidly expense whisky aged in the stomachs of kittens, or some such bollocks.  Now in a "time of austerity" you would imagine having fine wines for MP's and dignitaries would be low on the list of priorities of any government. Well not according to prize toss bag Henry Bellingham MP, Junior foreign office minister, who spent most of this afternoon telling the media that her majesty likes the best kind of pop when she visits and nothing but oak aged Plymouth Gin made by Devonshire maidens in the late 19th century will do.  I am sure the MP's are rubbing their greedy little paws together at the thought of woolfing down the vino at their next vol-au-ven lash up, I can almost see Eric Pickles salivating.

You see the thing about wine and spirits is this, good fine wines are appreciated by experts but the vast majority won't know the difference between a Chateau Lafite 1999 or a Lidls South African red, their taste buds scrambled by years of abuse eating Burger King and drinking Diet Iron Brew. I bet you a thousand quid if I were to serve Tesco's value Hock at a meeting of 1922 committee they would praise the choice of wine and break into some Etonian school song about what a chipper fellow I was.

Back in the real world Conservative Wandsworth Council have decided to charge local kids £2.50 for the use of local play parks demonstrating that they are meanest minded group of arseholes ever to draw breath. In modern Britain the rich and powerful play with fine wines and good food while poor children can't even use the bloody swings.

To finish my favourite Fry and Laurie sketch

Wednesday, 11 May 2011

Age rubbish.

This morning I had the misfortune to be stuck in my Doctor's waiting room with an incredible winging old bag.  This grey beast from the depths of hades waddled in like some farting weeble and let rip a tirade of abuse to random strangers largely about the decline in the quality of young peoples values, and the fact that people weren't as friendly as they used to be.  The waiting room shifted from ass cheek to ass cheek uncomfortably avoiding eye contact in case she started to talk to them and unloaded her vile opinions in their direction. On the way back from the Doc's I popped into local (highly recommended) grocery emporium Thornes, to get some eggs, as I queued with the rest of the sane customers this midget silver haired fiend barged in front of me in the line, an action which seemed to me to say "screw you pall I am old, I will do what I like".  You see this an actual fact, the majority of the elderly are down right rude (not middle aged people before you start leaving comments) , and despite what they would have you believe young people aren't. I am sure that I am not the only one that has been casually shopping in Tesco to have my ankles bashed in by some random old sow, in her attempt to get to the Raisin All Bran, not even a "kiss my ass" let alone a thank you. I am sure I am not the only one to be mown down on the pavements of this fine Burgh by a psychotic old cow with a determined look in her eye heading for the post office on pension day.

Another myth perpetuated by losers is that young peoples intelligence is declining at a rapid rate due to video games and junk food and "in their generation" it wouldn't have been allowed, they all ate like saints and played with wooden hoops and a stick.  Exams are getting easier because young people are getting better grades.  Children's brains are like blobs of useless flubber according to this myth.  But guess what Children are actually getting cleverer, better nutrition, more advanced health care provision and revolutions in the teaching of children have led to steep increase in average intelligence since the 1950's. A significant minority of my parents generation were educationally sub-normal by modern standards, Forest Gump like thicko's with big opinions shuffling through existence with less intelligence than a steak and kidney pudding. 

So do you know what - "Huzzah!!" for the young and "Boo" for the old.  

Bye for now.

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

Good bye meritocracy !

With the news this morning that tosser education minister David Willetts has decided to allow any old sod to buy University places in the UK regardless of ability means effectively meritocracy in the UK is DEAD.  And do you know what the evil twat is dressing this up as? An opportunity for poor kids, apparently paying the full amount of fees is something readily available to people on council estates, "hang on I will just dip into my giro and pay your Oxford fees " honestly the fuck wit.  

Its over for us normals and our kids, now the halls of Universities will be packed with thick rich people that can't even get a good education when its spoon fed to them by the best schools in the country, blokes called Gerald who failed their A Levels because they spent all their time playing the Eton Wall Game and buggering the younger boys.   People whose daddies are have stupendously overpaid jobs or who owns great swathes of Berkshire.  Fools whose mummies spend the entire day ripped to the tits on gin in giant lonely houses contemplating shagging the help and have never, not even once, removed a shitty nappy from the arses of the over privileged offspring.

So what's next then for David Cameron's crappy Britain.

Well my bet is we are about to get a morality crusade, why do I say this I hear you ask?  It is rumoured that Right Wing Tories have been kicking off about fat Dave's broken promises on his commitment to the sacred union of marriage.  Being mean to people who aren't married is cheap, and a good bone to throw the rabid right to keep them from boiling over.  

Standby for a move towards Gay, Lesbian and Transgender bashing, ministers making sly comments about single parents taking council housing and young girls getting pregnant deliberately, underhand introductions to the National Curriculum lauding the benefits of a church of England marriage, Daily Mail headlines screaming about how sick the non-married are etc.

Don't say I didn't warn you !


Monday, 9 May 2011

Last nights TV with the Village Idiot - Atlantis.

I'm a sucker for a good explosion epic and have in the past been glued to BBC documentaries on the subject of things blowing up including Hiroshima, Krakatoa and Pompei all of which the BBC presented in an informative manner.  Now you would imagine this would continue you after all the BBC does swallow a great load of my cash every year on the promise they are going to entertain and educate me.

Enter last nights BBC1 pile of shite, Atlantis.  Billed as a factual representation of the fall of Atlantis (come on BBC conjecture at best!!) it actually was dramatisation of the fall of the Minoan civilisation which some and I mean some people inspired Plato's Atlantis stories.  

To be honest the whole thing was poorly thrown together and crammed with odd bits of reject material from the Doctor Who episode the Fires of Pompei, and what appeared like occasional graphics from early 90's hack fest computer game Golden Axe 2.  For no explicable reason whatsoever the directors of said putrid pile decided to focus 20 minutes at least (well it seemed that long) on some bloke jumping over a bull in a pair of soiled pants, slowed down in a manner to look like the Matrix.  I was half expecting Neo to pop out from behind a pillar and Kung Fu the bull to death.  Irritatingly the whole thing was saturated in a commentary by Tom Conti which perpetually reminded me off his drunk Father role from the episode of friends were Ross says Rachel at the altar or something  (not that I have ever watched friends you understand....honestly).  The rest of the action seemed to be  a blur of cockney gibberish all serving as a vehicle for the big blast bit were the Volcano does its thang and trashes to Minoans for good in a firey furnace.  The end tidal wave sequence looked so hammy it could have been served with a mustard honey glaze, the nearby islands swallowed in a wave seemingly borrowed from a Godzilla movie accompanied by people in togas screaming.

While we are on the subject of BBC rubbish programmes I must, and I mean must comment on Saturday nights latest crap fest from Endemol, the makers of Big Brother - Don't Scare the Hare.  Apparently the concept of Don't scare the hare has been doing the rounds online for some time and that it was hoped that its bizarre imagery and ludicrous rules would eventually become cult viewing, perhaps there is even an element of in jokery going on among media types.  Sadly it is just shit, in fact I would go as far as saying it is the most diabolical load of tosh ever to grace my TV screen and please remember I watched El Dorado . Presented by that bald bloke of the gadget show and a giant robotic hare (also with commentary from Penzance resident Sue Perkins, Sue I love you why have you done this!), this is a TV crime beyond all comparison and should never, ever have been commissioned.  Apparently if you scare the hare you loose your carrots, honestly what the hell does that mean!  

BBC you lazy planks give me my license fee back !

To finish a section from Don't scare the hare - beware this is likely to confuse and bewilder.

Sunday, 8 May 2011

If Margaret Thatcher gets a state funeral then so should I.

Margaret Thatcher.....wear do I start. Recent speculation about Lady Thatchers health has raised the spectre of her request for a state funeral, undoubtedly the current stinking government will grant this ludicrous request  to the old bag and line the streets with soldiers and flags. So why the fuss from people like me about Thatch and her legacy.

Margaret Thatcher and her cronies were the singly most divisive force in recent "British" history forcing a wedge down the middle of the nation that we have never recovered from.  Her hatred for the culture and politics of working people drove her to destroy whole communities and smash their social institutions, there economics and there hope.

He insane monetary policy in the early days if her reign that of "restricting the money supply" meant literally that we had less money forcing a hideous recession which drove manufacturing out of Britain (I admit it was in a shabby state) leaving service industries and finance left.  The same finance industries that went belly up in 2007/2008, the same industries propped up by Major, Blair and Brown.  Every single school boy economics student can tell you if you have just tertiary industries and no primary or secondary your economy is destined for collapse.  Its like having a car with no wheels or an engine, its just plain common sense.  Thatch also introduced the idea of a debt driven economy an idea that resulted in the extraordinary figure by 2007 of £1 Trillion worth of personal debt (excluding mortgages), unsustainable beyond imagination.

She introduced flat taxation that punished the poor and rewarded the rich.  The 1987 budget was the single most irresponsible act of the late 20th century.  Stoking the most unfair boom ever, which ultimately resulted in a grinding crash that wrecked the hopes of my generation, with the exception of the super talented and well off (which I am certainly not one).   She led a hideous campaign of hatred towards gay and lesbian people, a moral crusade against single parents and anyone who didn't have her morality.The unrestricted sale of council houses led to the collapse of social housing provision in Britain.  Homeless people still struggle to find homes still because they have all disappeared off the register.  I know! I have been homeless.

And lastly the Free Market and Neo-Liberal ideology she trumpeted was a delusional corruption beyond comparison. Real Liberal economics can be a good thing, in fact Keynesian economics is a kind of Liberal ideology.   The sale of national assets in the UK was dressed up in a cloak of popular share ownership when in fact the shares were passed mostly to the super-corporations.  The resulting companies themselves were monopolies based on the idea of profit not competition, there is no real choice, you are just making people rich.  Its like having a street market with one huge stall owned by a single individual and nothing else.  For that very reason, health, education and important public services should not be subject to these market rules.

You can ignore all of the above if you like, you may disagree with me.  Because of that very strong range of feelings that people have about this woman, you must not, cannot, view her as worthy of an honour that is associated the status of National hero. Will you give the same honour to Blair, Major or Brown?  They were "wartime leaders", will you reward Blair's criminality with a parade, Major's ineptitude, Brown's lack of foresight?

In summary if you give Thatch a parade I bloody well want one, I want horses, soldiers, guns, a big buffet, the Queen, and a host of weeping blue rinsed old ladies.  All because I have been just as dislikeable as the old trout herself, I have been just as divisive and horrid as she has.  I am after all human just like she is and my passing should equally as grand.

To finish Spitting Image.

Saturday, 7 May 2011

I blame you.

This afternoon I have been sitting around starring into space contemplating how the hell I ended up were I am now.  I mean I didn't plan to be sitting here in a flat in St Clare Street earning next to nothing, dosed up on huge amounts of drugs and earning next to sod all.  I didn't imagine for a second that my life would be so complicated and eccentric.Well do you know what I blame you ! Yes I blame you for all my ills.  I blame you for giving the friggin disease that has blighted my life by dragging my brain into the gutter, I blame you for passing me that little gem.  For that act of nature that passed me that little virus that did the damage, for the countless operations, heart disease, eye damage and wonky bits, its all your fault!

I blame you for making my so utterly distrusting of human kindness, that it is impossible for me to get close to anyone , you did that.  I remember the moment when I first realised that fact, 18 years ago on a bus looking out the window with a 1000 yard stare across some grotty council estate, "I will never trust anyone again" what a frightening thought for someone to have at any age.  The fact that I hit the booze, smoked like a tyre fire and filled my life full of junk was just to blank out that thought, that moment..

I blame you for lying to me about what you really were, that you were in fact mad as a frothing goat, sectionable, loony tunes, bazzoony, whacko, nut job. Why did you think that it was OK to be so utterly objectionable and hurtful and why to this day do you still lie to yourself about me.

The fear of death, the loneliness, the horror of out of control debt, you did it to me!  When I lay in that bed   knowing that I may never see the world again, I hated you.

And now time has passed and age is catching up with me quicker than it would for a "normal" man and I fear most of all that I have wasted my time with these feelings.  What horror have I become?  Have I let you seep into me to such an extent that I am now the one that hurts others, the one to blame.

But the real nightmare is knowing that YOU are ME. I am the one to blame and the only way to every feel better again is to forgive me.

Tomorrow normal service resumes with a diatribe about the Tories were I conclude that David Cameron will be shoved up Judas Iscariot's arse in the afterlife.

Thursday, 5 May 2011

Just shut up.

In health fascism news , former Nazi supporters The Daily Mail report today that "just a little belly fat increases you risk of heart disease" adding to their increasingly long list of things that will kill you stone dead if you shove them down your face or have them on your body. As people will be aware the Daily Mail loves a good health scare or moral panic to satisfy the distrust and paranoia of their readers.   Recent scares  have included, milk at bedtime, blowing your nose, sex, facebook, twitter and corsets. For those who don't understand life and death I will introduce you to a very basic premise of existence, we all friggin die, in fact we all are destined to be broken down into a sub atomic particles,  its the called the second law of thermodynamics people. While health research is invaluable to our species, quoting some half baked theory about blueberry's giving you willy cancer or facebook rotting your face is pointless scaremongering designed to control people.

Actually I hate the Mail more than any other publication that has ever been.  I hate it so much I could scream my head off every time I see it in the Newsagents.  I hate its lies, its Tory Propoganda, its thinly veiled racism oh I could go on..........

As Hugh Laurie once said  "I've always been a Daily Mail reader. I prefer it to a newspaper."

For the record here is my guide to real world for Mail readers

1) The EU is a bloated, semi democratic, flawed institution but it has never recommended that we call our sausages "High Fat Low Protein Offal Tubes".
2) Princess Diana was not a Saint.
3) Animal cruelty is not the norm in British Society, despite what the Mail thinks working class people do not spend all day beating their gerbils to within an inch of their life.
4) Britain is not crawling with Asylum seekers, and for the record without Polish people the entire economy of the UK would grind to a halt.
5) Blowing your nose after drinking coffee will not dislodge your eye balls.
6) While we all may have enjoyed Pippa Middleton's arse at the Royal Wedding it is not a suitable subject for a 2 page spread criticising her for upstaging the bride.
7) Peter Hitchens should not be unleashed on humanity, ever.
8) Likewise Richard Littlejohn.
9) Gay people are not strange and lonely, and it is not remotely acceptable to say so.
10) And lastly and most importantly, science is fact not a religious option.

To finish the Daily Cancer Mail song.

Wednesday, 4 May 2011

Vote Yes.

I have to ignore the NEWS today its getting a bit frightening and no doubt the result of the AV referendum tomorrow will be just as mind boggling, the polls are looking terrible.  But here goes, I have to try and make you lot see why we need a change in the voting system.

Lets get the facts out first, the newly proposed system AV is not perfect its not really proportional but its better than first past the post. To be truthful I would prefer the STV system or AV+ as electoral systems but hey you get what your given by this putrid government and its remarkable that we have this referendum at all.

AV however does reflect the real world far better than first past the post elections, this is why.  Every single election in recent history has allowed for a party which has minority support to run the "United Kingdom" like a fascist state, first past the post has an unfortunate quirk in multi-party elections meaning that if you have more than party they can win by having far less than 50% support.

I will give you an example of what I am talking about;

Penzance West 2002 District Council Election.
Liberal DemocratSimon Reed47938.2
IndependentSam Ryan30824.6
ConservativeJames Champion30724.5
IndependentMalcolm Lawrence1239.8
UKIPMichael Faulkner373.0
(By the way my political affiliation has changed since this date and I am no longer a paid up member of any party, no offence to any of them, just been a bit poorly lately).

I won ! Yay! But lets look at the numbers 61% did not want me to be their councillor.  Even though I won this was an unfair result, yes I should not have won.  AV would give people a second choice, a second preference that would be truly democratic - IE the majority would have expressed some support for the winner.  

Blair in 1997 had 43% support - Not a majority.
Thatcher in 1987 had 42% - Not a majority.
In fact in 1951 a government won an election with less votes than the runners up! The current system sucks.

But the real, real reason to vote yes is to piss David Cameron off.  Nick Clegg is toxic as hell his days are numbered, forget him.  Dave wants to have the current system because it gives his group of right wing lunatics more power than they actually deserve, it allows him to bully us like some kind of banana republic President.  Give him a metaphorical slap, make George Osborne's smug grin drop of his face for a while.

Now I know that some of my fellow Cornish bloggers have made the point that this referendum is in fact a distraction from the real issue of the erosion of the Cornish border in recent changes to constituencies and that people should vote for Cornwall by spoiling their ballot paper.  I agree that the changes are wrong and the choices on offer damn the Cornish border issue whatever side wins, but I would urge my fellow Cornish issue enthusiasts to consider these facts.  First, spoilt ballot papers with messages never get any kind of reporting (In 2004 someone wrote next to my name "FUCK OFF" with a big arrow, a comment that disappeared into history) its a protest that registers only with those counting the ballots.  Secondly, this system allows for increased electoral support for minority parties such as Mebyon Kernow or the Cornish Democrats, furthering the cause of proper recognition and devolution.  Lastly, David Cameron is hammering the living crap out of Cornwall, lets annoy him for 24 hours by voting yes.

Yes2AV will in all likelihood come in 2nd tomorrow but a few more votes won't do any harm and hopefully one day we will get a fair voting system.

Tuesday, 3 May 2011

Government raises terror level to puce.

With the death of mass murdering Arsenal supporting git Osama Bin Laden the government have raised the national security level from shocking pink to puce.  This upgrade is a clear indication that scores of burkha wearing muslamic suicide bombers will be roaming the countryside looking for targets at random, leaping like enraged goats into the paths of school buses, shitting on the door steps of local councils and generally
bringing the nation to its knees.  I for one am crapping my self at thought of an attack on local businesses, perhaps even the Rowe's pasty shop in Causewayhead, just imagine the carnage as the Reggae Reggae chicken pasties are ejected in an explosion, decapitating the local tramps and hobbling sick claimants as they walk to down the street, oh the humanity! Local coppers powers will now be extended to allow the shooting on site of people of slightly suspicious appearance and permission to use flame throwers on anti social behaviour enthusiasts gathering outside the towns numerous dodgy kebab joints after 11pm.

Meanwhile in the Pakistani town of Abbottabad the locals are enjoying the unlikely limelight, including one 10 year old boy who told SKY news of the gift of two black and white bunnies given to him by the World's most wanted man who have now been taken out the back and whacked across the neck with the shovel as possible members of the Pakistan Taliban.  Osama Bin Laden of course who lived at number 22 Baka Laka Daka Street (see Team America World Police) has been wanted since 1994 by the USA who should have really checked Google Maps as this search will reveal, you see lads it was marked on Google maps all along I bet you feel foolish now.

To finish Bin Laden in a blender,

Sunday, 1 May 2011

Right wing goal keeper is "Saint".

Paedophilia enthusiast group the "Roman Catholic Church" has today performed a ancient ceremony elevating former Polish goal keeper Karol Józef Wojtyła to the level of a near Saint.  Also known as Pope John Paul the 2nd , Karol was also famous for putting back the cause of responsible religious thought by at 100 years by letting third world people die in a massive AIDS epidemic because condoms are just downright wrong.  Condoms, or little rubber satans as they are sometimes known, prevent the creation of life through the demonic action known as non-permeable rubber barrier blockage an action so heinous that it is often thought that Jack the Ripper, Ivan the Terrible and all of the members N-dubz have been at some time influenced by the process.  

Current holder of the office of Pope Adolf Raztinger the first, is now looking for a gang of deluded over 80's to claim that Karol performed miracles by curing their gammy toe, piles or testicle elephantiasis ensuring that he can now be called St John Paul of Krakow or something and assume his seat at the right hand of god.  As a certified and ordained minister of the Universal Life Church I have now been asked by his holiness to create of list of things for St John Paul to be patron of so far the short list appears like this;

1) Episodes 2-5 of season 1 of 1990's kids comedy Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
2) The tweetdeck application for twitter.
3) Rosevidney.
4) TV Shopping channel Bid TV.
5) Lindsay Lohan's left boob.

All other suggestions should be sent to the vatican direct via carrier pidgeon.